| CONTROL THIS,FREAK! - May 19,2008 | for Timelord's network |
I've always had this weird fascination with Control Freaks.Probably because my Father was one.
The people that know me,know all about my rather rocky relationship with him.I'm not embarrassed by it,or ashamed to talk about it.....it's part of my Past,but it doesn't control me.I guess in a strange way,it has made me stronger.
Over the years,I gained lots of experience(hard,"Real World" experience) on this.My experience is not from books,College,or a University,but from living with one.I believe the lessons we learn outside of the classroom far outweigh what we learn inside one.
I guess we've all met people like this.They seem to cross all Races,Colors,Religions,Countries.....etc.Even on Yahoo 360 and other Social Networking sites.
Control Freaks(CF's,for short),in general,assert themselves constantly because they fear being out of control.They wish to set the agenda,and decide what it is you'll do,and when you'll do it.((sound familiar?))
My Father used to do this to me,and the rest of my family.I got very used to him telling me.....no,ORDERING me what to do,when to do it,and even how to do it.
From what I understand is that this need to control is mostly fueled by extreme anxiety.Worrying about failure at work,in relationships,and whether someone will find out about their imperfections.Of course(and this is the frustrating part),these people seldom recognize their fears,and if confronted with it,they'll deny it.
Something I did notice......
CF's don't know,or understand,how to be spontaneous.They react negatively to situations and people they can't control.They don't know how to play,and I truly believe to be a healthy Adult(in Mind,Spirit,Body,and Soul),we need to play.To let go,and let the child inside you come out,is what keeps us young at heart.
My Father used to say he did important things,knew important people,and was very important himself.We call this being a Faker,and I've met some,right on here.Yes,you know who you are.
To me,a Faker pretends to be something He/She is not.Personally,I call that lying.They tend to blur the line between Fantasy and Reality.In fact,in a lot of cases(one I know of right now),Fantasy/Reality blend and become one.They are legends in their own mind,and are quick to point out how much more they know than the people around them.They also claim to have very important,secret information that puts them on a higher level than the rest of us.Some will even claim to be,"The One".
I've seen my Father(and someone else) claim all these amazing things.They know,"movers and shakers",but NOT show one piece of evidence to back up their claims.Maybe because they don't have any?
My Father was also a Master-Manipulator.
Here's a classic example:
The Manipulator will give you the option of doing: A,B,C,or D,today.If You want to do:E,F,or G,they'll call you stupid(or worse),because they are not on their list.
So,you pick C.They say,"Well,we could do that,but....." (notice the word,"but"?)This person will convince you(partly you give in to them because you don't want to argue) to do A,even if you don't want to,by giving you the illusion of free choice.But,in fact,you're doing what They wanted to do in the first place.
Being a Control Freak,a Faker,and a Manipulator seem to go together,it seems.And I haven't even touched on the subject of Paranoia.That seems to fit in there too.
So,how did I deal with a Father like this,you ask?Well,for a long time I just stayed quiet,and I let him have his way.I would challenge him,every so often,but that would just make his abuse worse.
Then,one day I woke up and said,"No more!!!" I didn't just challenge him,I stood up to him and didn't back down.Yes,it was nasty......many things were said that can't be taken back,physical violence happened(on his part),but in end,he stopped.Right up to the day he died,he blamed Me for it all. Even his last words to me were hateful........
Now,I'm not saying this will work in all cases,but sometimes you have to shove back,or you end up being another victim of their Personality Disorder.
((This is for my good,dear friends: Sky,Mightymite,Steve,Calina,C.P.,Hope,and my Sweetheart,Christy.))
"Sometimes the truth hurts"
The people that know me,know all about my rather rocky relationship with him.I'm not embarrassed by it,or ashamed to talk about it.....it's part of my Past,but it doesn't control me.I guess in a strange way,it has made me stronger.
Over the years,I gained lots of experience(hard,"Real World" experience) on this.My experience is not from books,College,or a University,but from living with one.I believe the lessons we learn outside of the classroom far outweigh what we learn inside one.
I guess we've all met people like this.They seem to cross all Races,Colors,Religions,Countries.....etc.Even on Yahoo 360 and other Social Networking sites.
Control Freaks(CF's,for short),in general,assert themselves constantly because they fear being out of control.They wish to set the agenda,and decide what it is you'll do,and when you'll do it.((sound familiar?))
My Father used to do this to me,and the rest of my family.I got very used to him telling me.....no,ORDERING me what to do,when to do it,and even how to do it.
From what I understand is that this need to control is mostly fueled by extreme anxiety.Worrying about failure at work,in relationships,and whether someone will find out about their imperfections.Of course(and this is the frustrating part),these people seldom recognize their fears,and if confronted with it,they'll deny it.
Something I did notice......
CF's don't know,or understand,how to be spontaneous.They react negatively to situations and people they can't control.They don't know how to play,and I truly believe to be a healthy Adult(in Mind,Spirit,Body,and Soul),we need to play.To let go,and let the child inside you come out,is what keeps us young at heart.
My Father used to say he did important things,knew important people,and was very important himself.We call this being a Faker,and I've met some,right on here.Yes,you know who you are.
To me,a Faker pretends to be something He/She is not.Personally,I call that lying.They tend to blur the line between Fantasy and Reality.In fact,in a lot of cases(one I know of right now),Fantasy/Reality blend and become one.They are legends in their own mind,and are quick to point out how much more they know than the people around them.They also claim to have very important,secret information that puts them on a higher level than the rest of us.Some will even claim to be,"The One".
I've seen my Father(and someone else) claim all these amazing things.They know,"movers and shakers",but NOT show one piece of evidence to back up their claims.Maybe because they don't have any?
My Father was also a Master-Manipulator.
Here's a classic example:
The Manipulator will give you the option of doing: A,B,C,or D,today.If You want to do:E,F,or G,they'll call you stupid(or worse),because they are not on their list.
So,you pick C.They say,"Well,we could do that,but....." (notice the word,"but"?)This person will convince you(partly you give in to them because you don't want to argue) to do A,even if you don't want to,by giving you the illusion of free choice.But,in fact,you're doing what They wanted to do in the first place.
Being a Control Freak,a Faker,and a Manipulator seem to go together,it seems.And I haven't even touched on the subject of Paranoia.That seems to fit in there too.
So,how did I deal with a Father like this,you ask?Well,for a long time I just stayed quiet,and I let him have his way.I would challenge him,every so often,but that would just make his abuse worse.
Then,one day I woke up and said,"No more!!!" I didn't just challenge him,I stood up to him and didn't back down.Yes,it was nasty......many things were said that can't be taken back,physical violence happened(on his part),but in end,he stopped.Right up to the day he died,he blamed Me for it all. Even his last words to me were hateful........
Now,I'm not saying this will work in all cases,but sometimes you have to shove back,or you end up being another victim of their Personality Disorder.
((This is for my good,dear friends: Sky,Mightymite,Steve,Calina,C.P.,Hope,and my Sweetheart,Christy.))
"Sometimes the truth hurts"
No comments:
Post a Comment